Jinxy!

Do you believe in jinx?

I happen to be a (very) superstitious person, i.e., 

1.
Left eyelid is twitching, something bad's about to happen. & vice versa.
2.
Talk about how clear and fair my skin is recently, the next morning I'll wake up with a zit on my nose.
3.
Spilled salt? That's bad luck!
etc. 

Superstition is not bound by religion by the way, I am not religious, but superstitious? Guilty as charged. 

And you know one of the famous chinese 'superstition' is jinxing. 

Jinx is like, saying something good that'll happen in the future, and it will jinx it and make it not happen. 

So all this grandmother story is actually leading to what I actually want to talk about, my current boyfriend, C. 

So C is my second boyfriend, so I can only compare it to my previous one. I dated my ex for 3 years, since 17 (I think?), it ended rather uglily. So well it took me some time to recover and not long later i went to study at States. In a month studying there, *poof* here comes C. 

Frankly things happened so fast that I am disappointed with myself. It is a huge sea with plenty of fishes, with an attractive bait like me I could've fished a bucketful then pick the biggest and juiciest one as my main course right? Why do I have to settle for the first one, when I can potentially fish more, and maybe get a bigger/better fish? 

So anyway I kept meaning to break up with him in the first few weeks of the relationship, but in the end I did not cause I didn't had the heart to. He is sweet and kind hearted, pampering me with gifts and showering me with love. I am not even exaggerating. If I had to show examples girls might throw rocks at me for rubbing it in their faces. Maybe they already are. 

Days pass and I realize that this relationship happened very fast, true, BUT, he is maybe one of the best fish I'll ever catch. 

Note, before you all start hating on me and think I am immature and blinded by love. I digress (as much as I am psychologically able to). C is not my first love, my ex did shit to me that really hurt me (think cheating), and there is not a day that I don't remind myself that people are not that they look like, there's not a night where I tell myself to calm the fuck down.


I have seen people gushing (tweeting) about their boyfriend and how fucking in love she is. & I always think it's a bunch of bullshit, and they will break up. Sorry. You're fucking 20 and dating since 19, are you likely to get married? Ummmm, no? He's cheating? Yeap, no surprise there. Yeah maybe I am jaded, but that's the reality.


See? I am fully aware of 'reality'. I am NOT blinded. I am NOT stupid. Right. Right?


Ok so continuing my story of wonderful C. He has traits that I always wanted, he has his annoying bits too. But I am fine with it. Not fine with his diet though, too much Coke, way to much Coke. I rarely argue with him, cause I learnt to tolerate and understand (Thanks Mr. Ex). We are both now maintaining a pretty blissful LDR, we both have our own life and own circle of friends. We both Skype at night cause we both want to, and neither of us are forced/obliged to.


How is this possible? It sounds perfect, to me at least. I don't know what is he (truly) thinking, he says he feel the same way but who knows. Unrealistically pessimist aside, he means it. One does not simply fly to another country to do nothing but to spend time with a girl.


So. There is only one explanation to this perfection, wait, two actually.

The first one would be, it's just 5 months wait and see, also it's the hormones.

The second one, would be the one? **

** I know, cheesy to the max. How can I say 'the one'? How can I even use that word. I never, never used it. Ever. & now I did.




So back to the jinxing theory, by saying all that I just said, I probably have just jinxed whatever good fortune I had with him.


BUT BUT BUT,
According to the law of attraction, gratitude is the way to go. I am undeniably thankful that he is in my life right now. Such a blessing. Right here right now, I feel very very lucky.

& also, I can't help but think of having a loving and long relationship with him. So that is good thought that attracts good things right?

So yeah.

Let's see how this unfold.





xoxo,
Princess Peaches



Edit,
I realized I never finish my fishing theory. So far, I think he might be one of the biggest fish I would be able to ever catch. (;

Yeah throw rocks at me bitches.

Lost a keeper

Tonight, we sat outside on our lawn stargazing. The streetlights and the lit rooms dampened and outcasted the stars, but I laid there anyway, cupping my eyes and isolated the starlights. At first sight, the sky was murky, but as wind blew and my eyes shifted to the lights, the littlest stars twinkled on the dark backdrop of the sky. Suddenly, they were singing twinkling lullabies.

He was sitting a few feet away, writing his resume and utilizing me as a thesaurus. There was not a part of me that wanted to be elsewhere, but to be there to help him. But maybe, it was more than help I was offering; maybe I felt more than just a friend to him.

I sat there and said aloud, in between helping and stargazing; how shameful we sleep every night without admiring this beautiful landscape; how unfortunate birds never get to see this light show; how we allow ourselves to drugs, music, and love, than to be soaked in this form of beauty. I was making small conversations because a night like this deserves a great exchange of ideas, feelings.

After a while, to no avail of inciting such philosophical conversation, I sat down and stopped talking. I drowned out his questions, his presence and watched the stars instead. Acoustic music was playing out of my laptop as I slept on the bed of grass, to just be with nature.

Maybe he felt bad and realized his presence would be appreciated, so he laid down too. I tried again, to stir conversation. I played with the wild flowers and ripped strands of grass off the ground, measured it with the sky, made faces, and counted stars...

"If there was one thing you could do and not fail, what would it be?" I asked, a favorite question of mine.

Silence. The wind. The whistling trees.

"Can we not talk," he made a statement, "no offense."

"None taken," I chimed.

One song played and then I moved to a far away spot on the lawn. I laid down now and drowned out everything else, especially him.

In that moment, I realized I've been trying so hard to talk not because I wanted to know him better, but that I was trying to drown out my own thoughts and avoid facing the shadows at the back of my mind. Now I was alone, and so they lurked nearer to my attention. Despair swept over me and tears begin clouding my sight. The stars became huge blots of sparkles in the sky and the house drowned out into a faded painting.

The universe felt lonely again. I lost someone I thought was a friend, a keeper.

The way he looked at me, there was a sort of tenderness. He would look right into my eyes, into my soul, and his face would somehow - for the most bizarre and unknown reasons -light up. And every time I turned to return his glance, his eyes would grow and his lips would curl to a small smile seeing me look back. There was a sort of contentment looking into each other, and there was such a strong sense of security just laying on his shoulders, admiring the distance rush by in the train.

There he was - the light at the end of a tunnel that I couldn't seem to understand nor escape; there he was - the person so close, so terrifyingly close, to the person I saw myself with forever. Under those tanned leather jacket was a person who saw the world in such a different light and perspective that it made mine look insignificantly crude. Yet, the patience he held in his heart, he sung peace to my ever shaking, changing soap opera of a life. He held my hand and everything - all the pain, holes, and scars - felt complete.

That was the first day we met, on a train down to New York City to chase passion.

Maybe we would have sped off into a beautiful start of a love story. Maybe; if only I didn't still have another person in my life, someone who loved me dearly. Because in a dormitory tucked right off the academic mall of my university was a boy a year younger than I am who had fell in love with me since I stepped into his life. He was a boy who cared with so much fervor, and loved with so much passion, that each day, while I should be dancing with glee, I ached with guilt. It was a guilt knowing that I'd never come close to loving him as he loved me.

So here is my humble story - my story of guilt and shame in manipulating two young men that I love immensely, yet would never be able to choose either.

On mother’s day

Hey guys, here it is again, the second Sunday of the month of May.

Ah, with the bloom in the florist’s business, the passing around of chocolate and the lingering fragrance of the carnation, how can one forget that today is the much celebrated (and for some, dreaded) Mother’s Day?

Here are some of my thoughts on this very special day:

1. The debate of the century. You have A who says ‘we should celebrate mother’s day everyday, this so-called mother’s day is a scam by the industry to boost consuming’ and then you have B who says ‘we should take this opportunity to express the love for our mothers’. Which is incredibly stupid, because seriously, they’re both true. I am always irritated because if I do something on this day, people are like fighting to talk at my face about the real meaning of mother’s day and how I’m being conned because I bought a cake. And if I don’t do something, again, people fight to spit at my face on how I’m insensitive.
   
   I take good care of my mum everyday. And while everyone is being so nice to their mum today, I really don’t want my mum to feel left out, so I’m do a little extra for her today. What’s wrong with people.
   
   
2. You have no idea how annoying it is to have Facebook packed with lovey-dovey-‘Mum I love you’ statuses. Some people even go all out and post like 1000 word statueses/poems declaring their love for their mom, or like naked baby photos with their mums bathing them or something. I mean, everything would be fine, if I don’t actually know how rude some of them treat their mums in real life. Omg, the hypocrites in this world. What’s the point of that 1000 word status of love and gratitude if (A) your mum is not your Facebook friend, she won’t get to read it and (B) you don’t plan to tell her in real life either.
    
   
3. This has nothing to do with anyone. This is me wanting to share #the awkward moment when you cook your mum 5 course meal for mother’s day and she ends up getting a really bad case of diarrhea #facepalm #failure #welcome-to-my-life. Omg the irony. My mum is really amenable, but I think I should go talk to her now before she considers disowning me, fml ‘_>’